Sheryl Crow Must Be Stopped
Is it me, or is it 100% impossible to avoid Sheryl Crow these days? Went to the supermarket, and there she was, howling her fucking "every day is a barking dog" piece of crap, or whatever it is. On tv, same thing. Can't get through a game without "every day is an open door" or whatever. So instead of watching on tv I actually make it out of the house to watch the Barry 714 game (man, wouldn't that be great if he retired right now, STUCK on 714? HA!). I get to the seventh inning, and man, something is wrong...hmmnn...I haven't heard "Blitzkrieg Bop" yet. The finest sports chant about Nazis since "Tomorrow Belongs To Me" and it isn't being played?...
OH! But nooooo, I DO have to sit through the fucking reprehensible "I wanna stink up the sun", or whatever that's called. Can't avoid Sheryl Crow, no way.
I'm even at the Container Store the other day, and I swear, the worst song perhaps EVER created--"Leaving Las Vegas"--a flimsy rip-off of Steve Miller's "The Joker," if I ever heard one, pipes in through the loudspeakers. And it is LOOOONNNNGGGG! Three acosutic shitty chords over and over about...oh, I dunno, cashing in on a popular movie title? Who the hell cares? The song is crap.
But to top it all off, she has infiltrated my workspace. I'm shipping the latest edition of Game Developer magazine in the mailroom of the multinational conglomerate I work for, and dang me if she ain't right there, warbling that damn "every day I wanna slit my wrists" number, or whatever it's called.
I just want her to stop. I figured her hook up with the Lyle Alzado of International Cyclign would slow her down, but noooooooooo...it just heightened her status.
There is no god.
posted by Kevin Chanel at
3:00 PM
5 Comments:
kevin, whilst you were wishing Crow into the cornfield, a British rocker of some importance passed on. Freddy (not to be confused with Phast Phreddie of Thee Precisions fame)from Freddie and the Dreamers passed away May 22...yes, sadly Freddie's dead...that's what I said..wait, check that..maybe it was Gerry from Gerry and the Pacemakers that passed on...if it was Gerry, I reckon he may have tempted fate once too often with that microwave of his. Anyways, Chad and Jeremy couldn't be reached for comment...fuck, wait...okay, it was Peter and Gordon that couldn't be reached...on top of that, Ian and Sylvia couldn't be located...and who the fuck is Mickey and Sylvia??? My man Huggy claims they are black. this begs the question, how do you handle your lover boy??? with a shiv is my reply!!! regardless, just wanted to let you know that the Lord took away another British hitmaker away from us too soon...may God have mersey on their soul.
8:37 AM
you were at the barry's 714 game in oakland, eh? the first thing i noticed in that AP photo that popped up all over every paper was not barry's sweet swing follow-through, but every person in the backdrop behind home plate with gaping mouths and cell phone cameras pointed to the sky. what wacky times we live in.
re: sheryl crow--seriously. the other day, after watching sportscenter, i was walking around whistling "everyday is a winding road" and my brother looks at me and says, "are you whistling sheryl crow???" she has become an infestation from coast-to-coast.
another thing to note, which i'm sure all readers of this board have noted: it was the 71st anniversary of babe ruth's final three home runs yesterday. he hit them as a boston brave at pittsburgh's forbes field. to any reader who has not been to pittsburgh--consider it your duty to visit that city for the sole purpose of walking along the brick outline of the forbes field outfield wall in the sidewalk adjacent to the university of pitt's library. try to see if you can figure out how the hell they got a stadium wedged into that area, in what is largely an unchanged (and hilly) neighborhood.
one last thing--michael barrett got a 10-game suspension for knocking out a.j. pierzynski. who the fuck WOULDN'T want to knock out a.j. pierzynski? i loved watching barrett up at la stade olympique when he was a young catcer with montreal. my reverence has grown with this act of asshole-punch-outtery.
i will be back posting more on this blog once i get the new issue of verbicide out of the way. this past month has been ad-selling hell. i wrap it up in the next week and a half.
8:50 AM
Ad sales is what makes me never want to publish ChinMusic ever again.
9:24 AM
Yes, Sheryl Crow is awful. But "The Joker" is the worst. Really, the worst. Rivaled only by Steve Miller's other kreepy hit about "your peaches" and shaking "your tree" or some shit.
7:00 PM
Really?..."The Joker", kreepy?
Yeah, maybe yer right. I just kinda see Steve Miller as innocuous (sp?), as in the '70s he really was a mindless oasis from all the granola and disco krap we had to weather. Steve Miller didn't seem such a stood-up corporate suck-knob as Crow does now, so he perhaps got a free pass...at least from me. For all we know, punk rock started because of him, but his inanity didn't seem as yank-yer-eyelids infuriating as Elton "Island Girl" John or James Taylor.
And speaking of Smack Baby James, how is it possible to star in a movie with Warren Oates and NOT have that raise your cool-points level to unheard of proportions? Whenever I see his smilin' face, I have to puke right back.
10:14 PM
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